by Brendon Anthony
With only two scant weeks until football finally fires back up, we could bore you with injury reports or fall camp rumors, but we know you demand more. That's why this week, we are doing the important work, God's work. We're ranking the SEC logos from worst to first.
When tackling a project as serious as ranking logos, you have to keep several important things in mind. First, hydrate. That's always important. Second, try to divorce your team loyalty from your team logo. You have to be dispassionate in the ranking game. Third, you must think about what the logo tells you, not what you know the team to be. Pretend you know nothing about SEC college football... you know... like Bryan Goers.
With all that in mind, it's time to get ranking!
When tackling a project as serious as ranking logos, you have to keep several important things in mind. First, hydrate. That's always important. Second, try to divorce your team loyalty from your team logo. You have to be dispassionate in the ranking game. Third, you must think about what the logo tells you, not what you know the team to be. Pretend you know nothing about SEC college football... you know... like Bryan Goers.
With all that in mind, it's time to get ranking!
14. South carolina gamecocks
What are you doing, South Carolina? This logo is a mess. Not only is it the worst logo in the SEC, it's arguably the worst logo in all of college sports. Let's start with the obvious. Christ, it's too busy, and all the tiny little stupid chicken details. Remember, this is going to be seen from a long way away on a moving helmet. Tighten it up, SC.
With the busy chicken-thing flailing around, you almost miss how shitty the big "C" is. First of all, it's not even that descriptive. There are actually two Carolinas and South Carolina isn't the good one. If anybody gets to claim a "C" without a directional descriptor, it's the North Carolinians. Colorwise, this if fine, I guess. It uses SC's horrible maroon, black, and white. On a better logo, you could make it work, but with this train wreck, it just looks like you have blood in your stool.
With the busy chicken-thing flailing around, you almost miss how shitty the big "C" is. First of all, it's not even that descriptive. There are actually two Carolinas and South Carolina isn't the good one. If anybody gets to claim a "C" without a directional descriptor, it's the North Carolinians. Colorwise, this if fine, I guess. It uses SC's horrible maroon, black, and white. On a better logo, you could make it work, but with this train wreck, it just looks like you have blood in your stool.
13. Florida Gators
It's not that this logo is that... bad per se, it's just that there is SO much wasted potential here. Your mascot is a freaking ALLIGATOR for Christ's sake! How awesome is that!? I mean the Ole Miss mascot is a creepy old racist Civil War re-enactor. You know how much they'd love to swap out for a scaly prehistoric hell beast? Wait... what's that you say? They actually like the old bigoted pervert? That can't be possible... and yet it is. You can count on Mississippi being Mississippi.
Anyway, we've gone way off-topic. First thing is, this logo is generic. It's riding the fence between trying to be tough and trying to cartoonish. You've got to commit, Florida. Second, orange just sucks as a school color. You can't work with it. And contrasting blue and green... not a good idea. Just too similar. Squint just a little bit and you see there's no contrast. All the lines just run together. Florida, grab a sophomore graphic design student and take another swing at this. The sky is the limit! Unless you're an alligator, I guess. They can't even jump... I think? I really don't know anything about alligators.
Anyway, we've gone way off-topic. First thing is, this logo is generic. It's riding the fence between trying to be tough and trying to cartoonish. You've got to commit, Florida. Second, orange just sucks as a school color. You can't work with it. And contrasting blue and green... not a good idea. Just too similar. Squint just a little bit and you see there's no contrast. All the lines just run together. Florida, grab a sophomore graphic design student and take another swing at this. The sky is the limit! Unless you're an alligator, I guess. They can't even jump... I think? I really don't know anything about alligators.
12. Vanderbilt Commodores
So... Vanderbilt kind of went way the other way when compared to the likes of South Carolina. Look Vandy, nobody appreciates simplicity in design more than me, but let's be honest. You just typed a fucking "V" on a star. Pretty lame. I get it. You're in pretty much the same boat as Ole Miss. Your mascot is an old rich guy who married his first cousin. It's tough to work with that, but come on. A star and a "V"? Try something different, like a double-helix, representing the almost certainly jacked up DNA of the Commodore's descendants.
11. Kentucky Wildcats
The big crime with the Kentucky logo is just that it's boring. Dull and stretched out block letters. No secondary colors. Just some garden variety letter stacking. That said, it is pretty representative of the program. I mean, for one, there is no less original mascot than a "Wildcat" (and keep in mind, this is coming from a Tiger fan). Also, we all know Kentucky's proud football heritage. You know what, maybe I was wrong. This logo fits the team perfectly.
10. LSU Tigers
LSU, your logo sucks. For a program with such a rich deep history of success in a part of the country that cherishes tradition, your logo captures none of that. Granted you have a bit of a hole to dig out of. You have a generic mascot with God-awful purple as your team color. We get that.
But still... You've got some kind of nasty NASA font displaying "LSU" in an uninspired way, and then a straight-up clip art Tiger head slapped on top of that. Seriously, LSU, I swear I saw that tiger head image on my 1997 CD-ROM version of Corel Draw.
But still... You've got some kind of nasty NASA font displaying "LSU" in an uninspired way, and then a straight-up clip art Tiger head slapped on top of that. Seriously, LSU, I swear I saw that tiger head image on my 1997 CD-ROM version of Corel Draw.
9. Missouri Tigers
Look Mizzou fans, it pains me to write this as much as I'm sure it pains you to read it. Our logo is kind of "meh." Created in the late 90s when drawing up a profiled Adobe Illustrator two-color animal head was all the rage (see Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers, Denver Broncos, etc.), our logo screams "dreamed up in an apparel company board room to maximize sales". In other words, it kind of lacks the heart you want from a college team.
We're also at a disadvantage because how many unique takes can one try with a Tiger? I mean there are three Tiger teams in our conference alone! Auburn basically just said "Fuck it. We're really some weird eagle now." Hard to blame them.
We're also at a disadvantage because how many unique takes can one try with a Tiger? I mean there are three Tiger teams in our conference alone! Auburn basically just said "Fuck it. We're really some weird eagle now." Hard to blame them.
8. Georgia Bulldogs
I know what you're thinking. "Georgia at #8? I think they're logo is pretty cool actually." You know what? You're right. Design-wise, the Georgia logo is about as good as it gets in simplicity, clean look, and clear communication. So why did I rank it so low? BECAUSE THEY STRAIGHT-UP STOLE IT FROM THE GREEN BAY PACKERS!!!!
I mean seriously, it's not just a similar look. In 1964, Georgia's head coach Vince Dooley just looked at the Packers logo and said to himself "I bet I can make that in red and black." The logo is so similar that the Packers actually had to grant Georgia permission to use the image. So... while there are a lot of unoriginal concepts in college football, only Georgia had the cojones to straight up STEAL someone else's logo... Until Grambling State came along.
I mean seriously, it's not just a similar look. In 1964, Georgia's head coach Vince Dooley just looked at the Packers logo and said to himself "I bet I can make that in red and black." The logo is so similar that the Packers actually had to grant Georgia permission to use the image. So... while there are a lot of unoriginal concepts in college football, only Georgia had the cojones to straight up STEAL someone else's logo... Until Grambling State came along.
7. Arkansas Razorbacks
Okay, so I've got to confess something. I have kind of a soft spot for the Arkansas logo. It's just a big fat red pig running. That makes me laugh. "You go, pig! I know you'll get to your destination quickly, because I see that you're running." So even though it really isn't the world's greatest logo design, with it's weird tiny detail elements and it being kind of fierce but still kind of cartoony (think Florida), I still kind of like it. I think what appeals to me is that Arkansas knows they have a ridiculous mascot and they just lean into it. "Fuck it! We are mean bright red pigs and we run fast!"
SIDE NOTE: It has been suggested to me that the pig may not be running to anything, but instead away from beastiality-lusting Arkansas fans. This theory has merit.
SIDE NOTE: It has been suggested to me that the pig may not be running to anything, but instead away from beastiality-lusting Arkansas fans. This theory has merit.
6. Mississippi State Bulldogs
Okay, we're starting to get into the good stuff. Mississippi State gets respect from me because it just oozes that classic "college" look. There's nothing special about it. Just one color... that crap maroon... and a pretty standard issue block "M", but the "State" banner across it really makes you feel, I don't know... collegey. Maybe this logo wouldn't work so well in another conference, but the SEC reveres tradition and this classic looking Mississippi State logo definitely fits that bill.
5. Texas A&M Aggies
Speaking of classic-looking all-maroon logos, how about them Aggies. There is no question of who you're dealing with when you see the A&M logo. At one time they made the "T" into an oil derrick and they would occasionally drop the logo over an outline of Texas. But that was all just gilding the lily. When something works, don't mess with it. I don't imagine we'll be seeing any Texas A&M logo updates any time soon.
4. Auburn Tigers
Another clean and straightforward SEC logo. I am a sucker for schools that can show you gameday photos from 60 years ago and the helmets look damn near the same as today. Auburn also doesn't try to make the same mistake that Missouri and LSU do. They ignore their Tiger mascot all together. They ignore it so much, in fact that they worship some sort of weird eagle. My point is that they just go with a bold stacked "UA" logo. They even get around their horrible orange secondary color by putting a huge amount of focus on the much classier navy.
3. Tennessee Volunteers
Straightforward and distinctive... that's the secret to really a good logo folks. If you don't believe me, just ask the folks at Nike or frankly Tennessee. Adding a little curvy twist on the traditional college block letters, Tennessee made a bold move and said "Fuck it, we're going to just go with a big ass ugly orange 'T'. Texas be damned. We're the 'T' state now!"
Orange is one ugly ass color, but somehow it works here, just as it has done for decades of disappointing 5-7 seasons.
Orange is one ugly ass color, but somehow it works here, just as it has done for decades of disappointing 5-7 seasons.
2. Ole Miss Rebels
No other logo so seamlessly manages to evoke classic tradition while at the same time being entirely unique. Ole Miss has the perfect logo for their school. The bold cursive font with no ornamentation. It's a work of art. When old timers wax nostalgic about SEC traditions, the Ole Miss logo is exactly what they're talking about. What they don't want to talk about nearly as much is the long history of obesity, racism and illiteracy. But oh well, they make great logos.
1. Alabama Crimson Tide
I know, I know, I know. I hate them as much as you do. We all know Nick Saban was Bill Belicheck's twin brother, spawned by Satan, who after being born, killed and consumed their mother and began blowing into whistles.
But look at that damn logo! I hate the Yankees too but give the devil his do. It works alone. It works wrapped in the team name. It just works. Sure, the tradition and the media exposure and familiarity all help... but this is a damn good logo and it stands on its own. Plus the red reminds you of the hell fires from which their coach was spawned.
But look at that damn logo! I hate the Yankees too but give the devil his do. It works alone. It works wrapped in the team name. It just works. Sure, the tradition and the media exposure and familiarity all help... but this is a damn good logo and it stands on its own. Plus the red reminds you of the hell fires from which their coach was spawned.
