The day we've all been waiting for since two minutes into the Iowa State game is upon us. Michael Porter Jr. will return to action Thursday in Mizzou's opening round of the SEC Tournament. Excitement is at a fever pitch and it only seems appropriate to make asinine and foolhardy predictions and preserve them forever on the internet. So without further ado, here's what will happen tomorrow...
Prediction #1: First things first, Georgia will beat Vanderbilt and will be our first opponent.
Prediction #2: MPJ will come into the game after the first TV timeout, and the crowd will erupt in excitement.
Prediction #3: MPJ's first bucket will be a three-pointer, shattering his previous single-game scoring record of two points.
Prediction #4: The first time MPJ is fouled, Mizzou fans will howl and broadcasters will mention the risks of playing after back surgery.
Prediction #5: MPJ will have eight first half points.
Prediction #6: MPJ will end the half with a breakaway slam dunk and Mizzou fans will all simultaneously achieve orgasm.
Prediction #7: MPJ will not start the second half.
Prediction #8: Tilmon will get his third foul with 14 minutes left in the second half.
Prediction #9: MPJ and Jontay will share an exuberent and complicated handshake.
Prediction #10: Announcers will talk about MPJ while he's on the bench every much as when he's playing.
Prediction #11: Mizzou will win by 11 points.
Prediction #12: MPJ will finish the game with 17 points.
Prediction #13: Kassius will have 26 points.
Prediction #14: MPJ will get the first post-game interview and thank his family, the team, God, the fans, and his coach. Sorry doctors...no love.
Prediction #15: MPJ will have all the sex prior to the Friday game.
Prediction #16: Overexuberant Mizzou fans will begin making ridiculous claims that Mizzou will run the table through the SEC Tournament and the NCAA Tournament.
Prediction #17: Mizzou fans will fight with each other about MPJ for some crazy damn reason.
Prediction #18: Mizzou will run the table in the SEC and NCAA Tournament and be national champions.
Prediction #19: Kate Upton will blow us all.
Prediction #2: MPJ will come into the game after the first TV timeout, and the crowd will erupt in excitement.
Prediction #3: MPJ's first bucket will be a three-pointer, shattering his previous single-game scoring record of two points.
Prediction #4: The first time MPJ is fouled, Mizzou fans will howl and broadcasters will mention the risks of playing after back surgery.
Prediction #5: MPJ will have eight first half points.
Prediction #6: MPJ will end the half with a breakaway slam dunk and Mizzou fans will all simultaneously achieve orgasm.
Prediction #7: MPJ will not start the second half.
Prediction #8: Tilmon will get his third foul with 14 minutes left in the second half.
Prediction #9: MPJ and Jontay will share an exuberent and complicated handshake.
Prediction #10: Announcers will talk about MPJ while he's on the bench every much as when he's playing.
Prediction #11: Mizzou will win by 11 points.
Prediction #12: MPJ will finish the game with 17 points.
Prediction #13: Kassius will have 26 points.
Prediction #14: MPJ will get the first post-game interview and thank his family, the team, God, the fans, and his coach. Sorry doctors...no love.
Prediction #15: MPJ will have all the sex prior to the Friday game.
Prediction #16: Overexuberant Mizzou fans will begin making ridiculous claims that Mizzou will run the table through the SEC Tournament and the NCAA Tournament.
Prediction #17: Mizzou fans will fight with each other about MPJ for some crazy damn reason.
Prediction #18: Mizzou will run the table in the SEC and NCAA Tournament and be national champions.
Prediction #19: Kate Upton will blow us all.
